we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
