he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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