do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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