dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
