and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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