Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
