I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
