I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
