We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
