So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
