I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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