If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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