She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
