I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
