i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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