Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
