Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
