My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
