Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
