Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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