Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
