he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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