I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
