dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
