we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
