there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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