sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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