Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
