what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
