Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
