Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
