I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
foreskin is a definite game changer
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
