u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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