yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
