someone get that fucking seahorse.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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