True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
