i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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