Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
