I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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