she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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