OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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