So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
