Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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