I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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