Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
