I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
