so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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