got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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