im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
