I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We left the knife in your bed.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize