please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
