It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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