So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
