yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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