I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
