the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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